Aus.

Turns out being on holiday is awesome.

Spent five days in Melbourne with my wicked as big brother and his wicked as lady. These five days were rad. Also, at no other time in my life have I eaten so consistently well for so many days.

If you go to Melbourne, vegetarian or not, hit up Vegie Bar. TASTY.

While there I even managed a couple of outings completely crutchesless! I paid for it the next day, but it was worth it. Walking with crutches is hard work and leaves me without free hands, and I'm getting to the point where my hip is strong enough to do some more work for itself. So our wee trip to Victoria Market (preceded by a potato, haloumi, tomato, spinach and egg breakfast stack), though a bit painful on my other hip, was quite great.

Not going to lie, being on holiday means exercises (despite my good intentions) have rather gone by the by. Have done them once. Oops. I WILL get better.

Now in Sydney with the sister, her husband and their new baby. Being an Aunty is obviously keeping me very busy, but I need to get better! Planning to hit up the local pool in the next couple of days.

STRAYA

Well, I've reached it. Twelve weeks. And that means I can fly!

So, I'm currently in Melbourne, where I am staying with my brother for five days. On Tuesday I head to Sydney to see the sister, and there I will stay for two weeks.

Plan is to continue the exercise regime as normal so I don't miss out on anything I would be doing at home, so hopefully by the time I get back to Christchurch I will be much stronger.

Will check in here and let people know how things are going as I get the chance.

x

They're Sames!

After the blogmania blogfest of a couple of weeks ago, I’ve completely forgotten to update since seeing the surgeon last week. Useless. I understand if you want to see other blogs.

If you’re willing to give me another chance, read on.

Good news, everyone (said in a Farnsworth-esque voice): my legs are apparently the same length after all! After spending four weeks thinking one leg was more than an inch longer than the other, buying new shoes and getting them altered... the surgeon has changed his mind and seems to think that my pelvis is lifted on one side, making that leg sit higher and so seem shorter. This has most likely come about from walking with a crutch for so long and altering the way I move to avoid pain, and should settle back down of its own accord as my body recovers and sorts itself back into place.

This is AWESOME. But I’m being a bit reserved in my joy; I don’t want to get my hopes up too far only to have them change their minds again!

Is anybody in the market for a pair of shoes with one sole 2cm bigger than the other? Hit me up. I have some I’m not using.

Off to Australia really soon – next week or the week after (it’s still being confirmed). Going to Melbourne to catch up with and hang out with the big brother and his Mrs before heading to Sydney to stay with my sister and her husband, and meet my new niece. As well as that I’m getting to catch up with Miss Blaise! I really really can’t wait, I’ve never been to either city and I miss my family like crazy. I wish I had more money to spend there, but unfortunately having surgery (and thus being unemployed) is not conducive to having a bunch of spare cash!

But when I get back in late November, I will begin the job hunt. I can’t do anything that requires me to be on my feet for long periods of time, or work in a call centre, so I’m pretty limited but I’m determined to find something!

Things that are rather passable: Mum being back from Sydney, NZ taking out the Rugby World Cup, being able to drive again, the book 'American Gods' by Neil Gaiman.

Things that are less than ideal: Paying for petrol again, my chronic back pain, WINZ appointments.

Delicious Consumable Happenings

I’ve decided that as boring as surgery recovery is, it could be much, much worse. How on earth people did it before computers is beyond me. My laptop has become my best friend.

On that note, here are some things I have been enjoying doing, online and otherwise.

Despite the seemingly endless supply of crap online, I have found these wee golden nuggets of internet joy:

Jason Good’s blog (http://jasongood.net/) thanks to my friend Blaise. He has a new post every day, most of which are quite hilarious.

Unfollowing Jesus (http://unfollowingjesus.com/) – not for the easily offended or those in the Christian way. Funny for the rest of us.

My sleeping has not been so good at doing its job, so I’ve been watching British television brilliance on YouTube well into the night. Lots of full episodes on there from my current favourites, Never Mind The Buzzcocks and QI. WATCH THEM. I will quietly confess to enjoying keeping up with new episodes of The Big Bang Theory online, too. Hey, sometimes you want to watch crap, and for crap it’s not too bad.

I’ve also been writing a few reviews. You can find my latest one here: http://libel.co.nz/3176-the_panics_rain_on_the_humming_wire#.Tpan6fkuAV4.twitter. If you go back a few reviews, you’ll find the Boy & Bear one I did, too!

Currently enjoying the musical stylings of Thrice (how did it take me so long to get round to listening to these guys?!) and Alkaline Trio. Both deliciously good alt rock.

I finished The Book Thief and it was AMAZING. Every single person ever should read it. Am now on to the book of The Help, a movie I saw a few weeks ago. I’ve also finally picked up Neil Gaimon’s American Gods. Looking forward to getting stuck into it.

I saw The Lion King in 3D at the movies!! It was my first ever movie at the movies, back in 1994 (in 2D – old school). I remember it mostly from the Lion King activity book I was bought from a gas station on the way home. 3D didn’t add much to the experience, but reliving my childhood was amazing. That movie will never get old.

My knitting now lives in a draw. I can’t keep it out or the kitten goes into attack mode (as Mum learned the hard way on several occasions!). The flip side of this is that I never see it and I forget about it so I don’t do it. Oops. Also, Mum being in Sydney means my attempts at reading the pattern have been somewhat fruitless without her guidance. I will get there though. I have a niece now, and I’d hate for her to grow out of it before it’s even done!

That is all. For now.

Jean Revisited

Given the enthusiastic feedback I got about my hospital room mate, I thought I’d share a bit more about her.

Jean, bless her soul, was 80 and in for her second hip replacement (non-cemented, which continues to confuse me). She talked incesantly; something made all the more fun by her lack of hearing skills leading to frequent miscommunication.

I don’t remember Jean’s daughters’ names, but for the sake of the story let’s call them Anna and Jane. One of the first things Jean told me was about was her doctor saying she must have a very good diet. “I’d best not tell Anna about that” she told me, laughing, “she’s vegetarian you see” in a way which suggested two things:

1 – Anna’s vegetarianism was a sensitive subject, but an amusing one.

2 – Anna couldn’t possibly have a good diet as a vegetarian, and would be upset that her meat-eater mother did.

She didn’t quite know what to say when I told her that I am vegetarian, too.

Later that afternoon she talked to her daughters on the phone. When she thought she was talking to her other daughter, Jane, she said the same as she’d said to me. Turns out she didn’t know who she was talking to, and had told her funny story about her good diet and not telling Anna, to Anna. Despite hearing it happen (being only about two metres away), she told me all about the confusion as soon as she was off the phone.

Jean was so good at talking that she really didn’t need a response. She was having a conversation with herself, and just directing it at me. One afternoon I didn’t reply for long enough to fall asleep, and when I did she was still going. When I woke up she appeared to have bored herself to sleep, too.

When my epidural wore off, I felt terrible. Overdramatic, “I-want-to-die” kind of terrible. Apparently it’s quite common for epidurals. But because Jean had also felt terrible, she subsequently refused to take any pain medication at all. Several people explained that it was the epidural, not the pain medication, that had made her feel like that – I tried to tell her that I’d had the same experience – but she wouldn’t have a bar of it.

Because of this, she was naturally in a lot of pain. You should have heard her complain about the orderlies “throwing [her] around”. She was angry because they didn’t explicitly ask her if she had been taking the morphine, despite the fact that every other sane patient does. I watched them be quite careful with her, so I must have missed the throwing bit. I thought that was quite a shame; my minimal sympathy a result of having to listen to her moan about her pain while refusing to do anything about it and not listening to the nurses about the epidural.

But the icing on the Jean cake came at about 2am one morning. Jean needed to go to the bathroom, and decided that 2am was the best time for her to get up for the first time since her surgery. She disagreed with the nurse, who told her just to use the pan because it was the middle of the night and that she would be getting up in the morning anyway. Now, I know from experience that it’s not easy – I cried from the pain the first time I got out of bed – which is why Jean was far from discreet about the ordeal. The whole thing took about half an hour, but the best bit was when she practically yelled “I HOPE I’M NOT WAKING GABRIELLE UP, I’D HATE TO DO THAT!” No Jean, your overwhelming subtlety could never wake me.

Jean was a constant source of both entertainment and irritation in hospital. I do hope she’s doing well though; she was certainly quite a character.

Update-O-Rama

With all that’s been going on, I’ve forgotten to write about how much better I’m getting. To be honest I’ve largely forgotten to notice how much better I’m getting.

I’m just using one crutch most of the time now, and even walking around home without anything at all! My leg length difference and remaining weakness in my operated leg mean my limp is pretty severe when I do so... but at least I can! Two crutches are still better when walking around a bit; I went to the mall yesterday and was wishing I had the other, but I managed. And I think the less I rely on them, the stronger I get.

I’ve had crutches and relied on them for over nine weeks now, so they’ve become my security and I get quite nervous about going places without both. But I am getting heaps stronger every day and I can manage most of the time, which is encouraging. I think my physio exercises and hydrotherapy sessions are really helping. I want to be good and strong when I see the surgeon next week so that he doesn’t say I still can’t drive!

I’ve even started having showers standing up! Well, I did it once last week and it was a bit tough... But I’ve done it for two days in a row this week now and been fine, so I’m going to try to keep it up.

It’s all a step (pun intended) in the right direction, anyway.

Small Stuff...

....like shoes and people.

Yes, my sister now has her very own small person (well, I think it’s co-owned by her and her husband, but I don’t want to be presumptuous about their arrangement). I’m an aunty! And you know what? It’s just really hard to be a grumpy shit when something so freakin amazing is going on. Seriously, Jess GREW A PERSON, and now my niece is here and she’s small and lovely and completely dependent on the big people around her... That’s actually so awesome to me that small issues like my legs seem insignificant.

I can’t wait to meet her!

In other bright side news, I have sent some shoes away to be appropriately altered. I kinda don’t know if this is good news or not, as it DOES mean one of my shoes will have a sole that’s 2cm chunkier than the other and I’ll feel like a bit of a spaztard... But I’m going to look at it as a good thing, cause it should mean I’ll walk all fancy – and by fancy I mean level and stuff, not screwing my back up. Ooohh.  I had to get some new shoes so that I had ones that would handle the extra weight, and that would last me a while, and I actually got kids shoes. Size 2. Yes, I am that ridiculously small. Go ahead – laugh. Even I’m laughing at myself on this one. Made them way cheaper though, so fuck it.

I have also been a bit proactive about enlisting help from people. I’ve put in an application with ACC to hopefully get them to fund some more shoes (ie buying new ones and getting them altered, cause the health board or hospital or whoever pays for these things will only fund the altering of two pairs a year, and no new ones). And I figure it like this: I need walking shoes, summer shoes, winter shoes, dressy shoes, work shoes – and that's just the basics. My doctor thinks I might not get it though, because apparently leg length discrepancies are a common complication of hip replacement surgery. Um, what?! It’s common and nobody bothered to mention it to me before the op? Thanks, team. I don’t think it’s actually common for the discrepancy to be as big as mine – a minimal difference wouldn’t even be noticeable so wouldn’t matter – but apparently the amount doesn’t actually matter as far as ACC are concerned. Bummer.

So I’ve got a meeting with WINZ on Thursday to see if they’ll help. AND I’ve been in touch with the Health and Disabilities Commissioner’s office to get some help and advice about the process ahead, and getting what I want and need out of it. I want to be fully informed and given options instead of just being told what to do, and I’m hoping they can help me.

Matthew yesterday on climbing into the back seat of a small car: “It’s like being born in reverse” - Yet another example of small stuff making for some great comic relief.

Things that are just really super: my sister being a mother! Seriously. I can’t get over it. I’m so happy for them.

Things that aren’t super: with new-found motherdom (and my auntydom) going on? Nothing!

Hips - Before and After

When I look at my before and after surgery x-rays, it's no wonder my legs are such different lengths! On my right leg (on the left in the pictures) the top of my femur has dropped heaps. Using my left hip, which hasn't moved, as point of reference, you can see that the right hip was slightly higher than it, and is now quite a bit lower than it.

Before my operation (right hip sits higher than the left):

After the operation (right hip sits well below the left):

That point in the hip, where the line comes out from, has gone from sitting alongside my pelvis to being below it. It's actually quite a good visual representation of the change in placement that has occurred in my hip, to explain why my right leg is now 2.5cm longer than my left.

Crazy!

Physical Progress

Good news, friends! Progress is being made.

Last week I had my first appointment with the physio. Lasted about an hour and was mostly just assessment-y stuff – asking how my pain was, what made it worse, what exercises I’ve been doing etc... The best thing about it for me is that they’re really aware that my unoperated hip is giving me so much grief. So now I don’t have to do the standing exercises that hurt it so much! They’ve just given me a couple of extra exercises to do with my lying down ones instead.

But the best BEST thing about all this is that now I’m doing hydrotherapy twice a week, which means I’m back in the pool! I can’t swim yet, but I have a bunch of exercises to do in the water. It’s great because it’s low impact so it doesn’t hurt, but high resistance so it’s really good for building my muscle strength back up. It’s also pretty cool to move around without my crutches, even if it feels rather odd!  Also the others that go there are super lovely, so even though they’re all much older than me it’s a nice chance to kind of socialise.

The rather unfortunate thing about going to the physio is that they’ve actually measured my legs, and it turns out the discrepancy in leg lengths is a lot worse than I thought. They say the operated leg is now around 2.5-3cm longer than the other! Considering it was a bit shorter before the operation, that’s quite a difference. So now I have to get a lift put on my shoes. Which means wearing my shoe of choice (just a wee ballet flat) is now out of the question. Which means I have to wear ugly shoes that probably won’t go with my clothes, and I’ll look weird all the time. JOY.

The thing is, I know that my physical health is more important than my vain concerns about what I look like. But is it such a big ask to have legs that don’t hurt AND not look like a dick? Pretty sure most people get that all the time. What gets me though, is that I have to deal with this not because of some error of my own, or even because nature fucked me over and gave me this condition, but because somebody else made a mistake. That just seems really unfair. I thought they were going to fix me, but they’ve just given me something else to deal with. And yes, I’m vain because I care what I’ll look like, but I’m 22! Is that really so bad? The bone condition, the operation, the scar, the crutches... And now this. It’s just one blow to my self confidence after another.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m really grateful that I got my hip replacement. The difference in pain already is huge and that is awesome. I just didn’t know that it would come at a cost. Also I don’t know what happened or whose fault it is that my legs are now like this, so I’m not blaming anyone until I know what caused it. But somebody must have messed up or it wouldn’t have happened. They were aiming to make the legs the same lengths, and that’s obviously not what eventuated. And now I have to deal with the consequences.

Things that are good: Exercises increasing my range of movement, being in the pool, the movie ‘Win Win’, catching up with old friends you haven’t seen in yonks, going to see the sister and the brother-in-law and the new niece in Sydney at the start of December.

Things that are bad: Still not being able to drive, having to pick two pairs of shoes to get altered that will be all I can wear, my computer being a dick and not being able to figure out what’s wrong with it.

Things which are things and are thingsy

Truth be told, I was super gutted after the appointment on Monday. So gutted I forgot to mention lots of the good stuff!

I’ve started putting weight on my hip again, and it’s really not so bad. I can definitely feel it but it’s not super painful at all. Being able to spread the weight a bit means my other hip isn’t under so much pressure, either. And it meant I could manage to climb the stairs to the cinema yesterday - I didn’t feel steady enough with all the weight on one leg.

Also, I no longer have to sleep with a pillow between my legs, which is a bit great! I’m sleeping a lot better already. And the surgeon said I can fly at the three month mark (they don’t like you to fly after surgery because of the risk of blood clotting), which means I can go and visit the sister in Sydney in November and meet my niece.

AND the fact that the other hip hopefully won’t need replacing yet is awesome! If they can fix the cause of my pain with a less intrusive procedure, I can keep my real hip for as long as possible and not have to go through all of this again just yet. Fingers crossed they’ll get onto it quickly and I can be all fixed up and back up to Auckland in no time.

I’m not allowed to swim just yet, though. Not until I’m a bit stronger. And obviously, no driving or being able to walk far means minimal amounts of getting out and about. I hate to think how much weight I’m going to put on over the course of this recovery. Especially if people keep making me cake (Mum’s friend made us cake just cos I had surgery, how nice is that?!). That said, feel free to make cake :D

In other news, here are some things:

Australian band ‘Boy & Bear’ are rocking my slippers (cos I still can’t put my own socks on). Alt folk rock along the vein of ‘Mumford and Sons’ and ‘Fleet Foxes’. According to Wikipedia, they call themselves "a combination of drivey indie folk and indie harmonies". Listen to this and prepare to melt with joy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AeKD2oHrFg&ob=av2e.

I went to see The Help (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_help/) yesterday, and Crazy, Stupid, Love (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/crazy_stupid_love/) on Saturday - both of which were awesome. Super different but super super. Apparently Emma Stone’s in everything at the moment, huh. Both well worth it.

In my post-appointment grump, I stayed in bed until about 2.30 yesterday afternoon. Which means I finally finished reading A Game of Thrones. Really good book! Well worth it. Can’t wait to get onto the next one, and to watch the series. I also read Terry Pratchett’s The Fifth Elephant last week, which (like all Pratchett) was a bit great. I’ve just started a book called The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, set in Nazi Germany and written from the point of view of Death. So far, so good. I think I’m going to get pretty into it.

I think that’s about it, for now. Tune in next time for ‘Why it Kinda Seems Like My Surgeon Made a Wee

Mistake’, when for once I hope I’m wrong!

Six weeks on: Not what I was expecting

Well, today has been enlightening. But not in a good way - my optimism about the home stretch was really rather misplaced.

Turns out that when, at my pre-op assessment, they told me I couldn’t drive for six weeks... that just wasn’t true.

I was under the impression that from the six week mark I could start doing things again, but I’ve just got home from my six week assessment and I have to wait until my next appointment in another four weeks to get the all clear to do things like driving or getting back in the pool.

I feel reasonably certain that my sanity will fall victim to these circumstances; it’s already half gone from the last six weeks. This (practically) house arrest really doesn’t agree with me.

Given my still limited mobility, not being able to drive means not being able to go anywhere or do anything unless somebody can take me. Which in turn means I spend most of my time at home... by myself... slowly losing my mind. I’m really not good at extensive amounts of alone time.

I really miss my independence.

The surgeon was also not happy about my new leg length discrepancy. Prior to the surgery, I had a bit of a difference in the length of my legs; most likely from one hip being more severely affected by the Perthes than the other. Even though I never really noticed it (it never made me limp or anything) they tried to even this out in the operation, but now the operated leg is quite noticeably longer than the other - much worse than it was before.

I hadn’t been too worried about this, thinking it would be evened out when they replaced the other hip. However today the surgeon said he doesn’t want to replace the other hip because, although it causes me a lot of pain, it doesn’t look very arthritic at this stage. He said he’d rather try to treat the cause of my pain in that hip with telescopic surgery. Actually, if that works, that would be waaaaayy more awesome than having to get the second hip replaced now. So yay – positive thing! But it does mean they won’t get to fix the leg length difference, and I might need to get a lift thing on one shoe.

I know it’s stupid and vain but I’m 22, and I really don’t want to be that person. But I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

So today I start putting some weight on the new hip and slowly wean myself off the crutches, slowly going down to one and then (hopefully, at some point) walking by myself.

I also start physio this week, with my first appointment on Thursday. Fingers crossed this will help me to get stronger faster, so I can recover my independence as soon as possible.

Not gonna lie, the appointment today was not was I was expecting or hoping for, and I’m really disappointed.

Bummer.

The Five Week Mark

This is it folks, the home stretch.

In one week, next Monday, I have my six week appointment with the surgeon. All going according to plan, I should be able to start putting weight on my hip then!

Um, excited much?!

I don’t know how it works from there; like if I still need two crutches for a while until I get stable on it, or if I get two throw one of them back at the (albeit lovely) physio staff. Either way it’s all up from there. Either way, I get to drive again!

I can smell freedom from here. It smells like mobility. It smells good.

I already have a list of questions. Top of the list: can I stop sleeping with a pillow between my legs yet? Cos that’s really not conducive to a good night’s sleep. Also up there: when can I get back in the pool and start swimming again? Taken any and all suggestions for things I should ask that I may not have thought of.

After that, from what I’ve heard, I should have another six to eight weeks or so until I’m recovered completely. So don’t expect me to be running past you on the street JUST yet. But it’s definite progress.

On a side note... the season finale of True Blood. Wow. That show is so bad but oh so good.

Things that are rad (just for you Ange): the home stretch, the amazing eggs-and-spinach-on-crumpet breakfast I managed to make myself this morning, my lovely Mama pushing me around the mall and museum in a wheelchair, delicious cheese from the cheesemongers, the Incas, Catherine Mansfield, the movie No Strings Attached, reading in the sun (seriously, is reading in the sun the best thing ever? I’d totally put a vote in for it).

Things that are sad: the fact that I’ve had five weeks of doing nothing and I still haven’t finished A Game of Thrones, spending four days doing little apart from watching the Royal Commission Inquiry into the Pike River Mine, the thinning out of visitors lately, having to admit that I think I'm getting into the Rugby World Cup.

The Positivity Project

For the last week I’ve been carrying out what I’m calling my Positivity Project: At the end of each day I write down the things I've done. When I look back on them, I've achieved a lot!

The idea is to keep positive about the position I’m in at the moment – to see it as a good thing rather than a bad thing. To see it as an opportunity, to be proud of myself for the little things I manage to do for myself, and to appreciate the good things.

It’s been a busy week anyway – my lady Te Huia was over from Australia so spent quite a bit of time hanging out with her. Then on Saturday two of my besties from Auckland, Ange and Freya, surprised me by turning up at my door quite unexpected! So I spent most of the weekend with them. I had visits from Dad, Scott, Jake, Nic and Janise, too. All in all it’s been a good week for having cool people to spend time with.

Things I’ve achieved this past week: Got my Death Cab For Cutie review published; remembered to do my physio exercises more regularly; went fruit and vege shopping, to the library (which was painful but awesome), to the supermarket, and out for dinner a couple of times; found a way to sit at the bench to do some dishes and tidy up a bit; downloaded some educational podcasts and got some NZ geographic magazines to look through; read a bit of the Catherine Manfield book I got from the library and made quite a bit of progress on my knitting; made pancakes with my friends; went to the pier and spent time by the sea.... and that’s just the best stuff!

The snag in my positivity came on Thursday night, when I fell over in the rain while trying to get out of the car. I didn’t fall directly onto my hip but in my attempt to steady myself I stumbled and took a couple of steps. It hurt really really bad. I was so angry with myself for being so careless; if I’d damaged it I would’ve had nobody to blame but myself. It seems to be alright, but I’ve definitely taken it as a warning that I need to make sure I don’t get so over-confident on my crutches and keep being careful!

I read a book called Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger (the woman who wrote The Time Travellers Wife - an all-time favourite of mine). It was good but, without giving anything away, I was most disappointed with its conclusion. Things were wrapped up, but they were most unsatisfactory. The pretense wasn't always as believable as it should have been, either. I think I expected more from the author because of previous stuff I'd read. To anyone considering it, I'd recommend giving it a go but don't get your hopes up.

Things that are awesome: pain levels receding, spending time with great people, snow frogs (I read about them in National Geographic).

Things that are not awesome: not being able to put my own socks on - try as I might, Mum being away on camp, sometimes forgetting the ways I’m not allowed to move because they don’t hurt much anymore.

Turning Over a New Leaf

Life is what you make it. Each day is what you make it.

I’ve been reading lots of inspirational quotes online (go ahead – laugh at me if you will), and have decided that moping and whinging about how I’m bored is far from the best way to deal with the situation I’m in. I’ve been looking at it all wrong – this is an opportunity!

An opportunity to read the books I never have time to read, to do writing I don’t usually make time for, to get spend all day in bed watching DVDs if I want to, to knit for my niece. Most people never get a free pass to this kind of laziness! When I look at it that way, I’m lucky, really.

So with that in mind, I’ve set myself a goal: To achieve something every day, and make note of those achievements.

Obviously I have some pretty major physical restrictions which stop me achieving a lot of what I’d like to do (trying not to think about my gym and pool cravings), so I’ll focus on things I can do. My achievements don’t have to be big – doing some work on a review, writing a blog entry, going out somewhere if I’m able to, reading lots of a book... they’re all things which I can (and do) do. But thinking of them as achievements and taking note that I’ve achieved those things will remind me that these days aren’t being wasted.

If I have the right frame of mind, I can make the most of my situation!

Things that make me smile: getting to hang out with Te Huia, having new music to explore and review, being able to lie on my unoperated side in bed for wee spells.

Things that make me frown: not being able to exercise, missing uni and my friends in Auckland.

The Tools of My Trade

I thought that I'd show you guys a bit about how I make things work in my somewhat difficult situation. These are the things I have to use to do things for myself.

Firstly, of course, my crutches.

Not being able to put any weight on my operated leg means I can't walk without 'em! Not even two steps. I will admit to a couple of awkward moments on slippery floors where one has come out from under me, but thus far I've managed to avoid total disaster (falling over)!

Probably my second most used thing - my grabber.

I think it's called an "easy-reach" or something like that, but I like "grabber" better. I'm not meant to bend, reach below my knees, or twist my torso around... so this is used to grab things off the floor, or far away, and I have to use it to get dressed and undressed when pulling things over my feet. Very very handy indeed! Not so handy when it falls on the floor.

The trolley!

I love this thing. Used to cart things from one room to another, as my hands are always full of crutches. Food, drinks, books, computers and cats all get carried on here (my kitten, Patch, loves to take a ride). I just push it out in front of me with my body, feet, or hands in between steps when walking around.

The toilet seat.

Handles needed to get on and off the toilet, cos my other leg and hip are too sore and weak to hold and move my body weight on their own.

Shower bench.

Not being able to bend and such, it's hard to get in and out of our shub shower. On here, I sit on the end, push myself back along it and then (carefully) turn myself around. Downside: I always have one cold side of my body from it not getting much water!

Kitchen stool.

Allows me to sit and prepare things at the bench, or even sit there and eat it. My other hip hurts too much for me to stand in the kitchen with all my weight on it for more than about a minute (bummer). The handles help me get in and out of it.

Entertainment!

To see me through the long dull days stuck at home. Books, DVDs, knitting, a hard drive of movies, and magazines.

Computer, comfy hoody, bed.

Spending waaaaayy too much time on the computer lately, looking at complete crap online. The hoody is a double whammy - snuggly, baggy and comfy for ultimate awesomeness, and also a great shield when certain mothers decide it's a good idea to take pictures when one has just woken up. Bed... no explanation needed. Beds are just awesome, especially when moving's a bit tricky.

The kitten cat - Patch.

Provides snuggles, company and comfort. My adorable wee bunny has no tail cos he's part Manx, but he has heaps of character. He likes feet and shoes, chasing just about anything that moves, and sitting on my chest.

Whinge-o-rama

I've been home from hospital for two weeks now, and I’m definitely feeling a bit captive.

It’s the stupid little stuff that doesn’t even matter, but not being able to do it makes me want to more.

Yesterday it was a really sunny day. I sat in the sun reading my book (I’ve been doing that a lot this week) and thought that what I’d really like is an ice cream or a nice cold drink. But I was home alone so couldn’t go and get one.

I wanted to go to the film festival, but it was on at a cinema with only stair access (their lift was damaged in the earthquake). So I just couldn’t go.

I haven’t even been able to make myself a cup of coffee and carry it to somewhere I can sit and drink it. Or get the margarine from the fridge to the bench to make a sandwich.

I’m so lucky to have people preparing my meals for me, but in honesty I’d love to be able to do it for myself!

Today I got a bit more freedom in the form of a little trolley on wheels, which I can push in front of me, so now I can at least get my coffee to the living room.

They’re silly little things that I can live without and don’t really matter... but it’s very frustrating.

I’m so reliant on other people to take me places or bring me things or carry stuff... my independence seems long gone. I can’t go and see my friends or go out to parties and events people are having. I’m 22 and I have NO social life.

Before you say it, I know it will be worth it in the end. I understand that, and I’m not saying I’d have it differently... but it’s pretty hard to deal with when you’re stuck in it. I can’t wait for the days I look back on now and think about how much better these weeks of pain and frustration made my life in the long run.

On another note: I’ve just finished the good drugs I got from the hospital. I’m now not usually in any pain when I’m still, but the hip still hurts a fair bit when I move it. Back to the codeine, then. But I was on it for so long before my operation that I have such a high tolerance, so I have to take lots and that concerns me. The pain should be getting much better at this point, so hopefully it won’t be an issue for much longer!

What I’ve been doing with my time: reading in the sun, started watching ‘The Wire’ (TV series), heaps of time wasted on 9gag.com, finally did a CD review I should have written ages ago, visits from friends (and even a couple of coffees out!), sad attempts at preparing my own lunch, and Mum took me to see Fran yesterday.

This post has been neither funny nor entertaining – in fact, little more than one big whinge! But I do feel that my frustration is a product of my situation, so should be documented as part of my experience. I am sorry, though. Hopefully next time I’ll be in a better space and back on form.

Cabin Fever

Just a couple of days after posting about what a great hermit I am, cabin fever is definitely setting in.

I don’t even want to do anything exciting, I just want to do things like go to the supermarket, or drive to someone’s house. Even this is, apparently, too much to ask.

It’s alright, only four weeks and three days until I can drive again....   :/

But I’ve been wasting heaps of time on http://9gag.com/ looking at random/funny/cute shit, and signed up for http://pinterest.com/ (so if you have Pinterest, let me know and we can follow each other... and if you don’t, you should, so we can follow each other :D). Both thanks to Jhovaan!

Also, one of my all-time favourites, 27b/6 gave me the gift of a new post yesterday. Pretty much how to annoy your co-workers 101. Check it out here: http://www.27bslash6.com/f26a.html and then read all the rest of his stuff. He’s hilarious.

Dillon’s also introduced me to an awesome cartoon, Archer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archer_(TV_series) which is really funny and you should watch it. All of you. Especially Liam, I think you would like it. Kicks adult swim’s ass.

Anybody reading this, you should visit me. We should maybe drive some place. I like my house but I’m getting heartily sick of spending all my time in it!

I’M BORED.

Recloose

I’m pretty co-dependent, so I always thought I’d be a terrible hermit.

Turns out, as long as I have my computer, a good book and some knitting (and the occasional visitor) I’m all good.

My sister’s having a baby at the start of October, and I was given pretty clear instructions that I would knit something for my new niece while I was incapacitated. So a couple of weeks ago Mum taught me how to knit, and I’ve been going strong on a wee practise piece for a while. Last night I started the real thing.

Nine rows in and I’m awesome.

I’m also getting really into my book, A Game of Thrones.

I watched Hall Pass (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0480687/) – unsurprisingly, not worth it. Don’t bother. Probably not even if you’re bored and have nothing else to do. Luckily I knitted while watching, so the time wasn’t completely wasted.

Things which are making me laugh online:

27b/6 (http://www.27bslash6.com/)

The Oatmeal (http://theoatmeal.com/)

StumbleUpon (http://www.stumbleupon.com/home/)

College Humour (http://www.collegehumor.com/)

In surgery related news, I can feel myself getting a little better and a little stronger each day. Having had my leg all chopped up, it’s now very weak, and I can’t actually do a lot with it. But I can now lift it onto the foot rest by muscle (instead of using my pants to lift it!). I was rather proud.

There’s snow everywhere, but Mum managed to clear the path to get me out to the car this morning, and I got to go for a coffee – breaking my hermit lifestyle. Enough excitement for one day, back to the solitary life for me. Where did I put my knitting?

Learnings

When on crutches, resourcefulness is key.

Here are some things I've learned:

- It IS possible to carry some small/light things, if you can tuck them under your arm, hang them from your fingers, or hold them in your teeth.

- If you just sit on a towel for long enough after a shower, your legs and feet drip dry themselves, and you don't have to get someone else to do it. 

- Excess material of baggy pants can be used to successfully lift and move weak legs.

I have a lot of spare time, so it’s a good thing I have the delightful company of my mother, her partner, and other occasional guests to spend it with. When not being busy being delightful myself, this is what I’ve been enjoying:

- Hamish and Andy’s Gap Year – TV Show (http://www.hamishandandy.com/gap-year-tv/). Funny Australians, who would’ve thought? They’re entertaining though, as they explore the US.

- Raising Hope – TV Show (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1615919/). It’s an American sit com so it’s hardly intellectually stimulating, but perfect mindless entertainment for the permanently tired (ie me) and a bit off-beat.

- A Game of Thrones – The Book (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Game_of_Thrones). My awesome brother and sister sent this to me from Australia. Only started it today but I’m enjoying it thus far! It seems to be a sort of fantasy exploration of politics between and within groups of rulers, would-be rulers, and their subjects.

Looking to discover some great new music – no longer working at a music store after four and a half years is taking its toll! All suggestions welcome :)

The week that was

Due to feeling lots like ass and being in lots of pain, I've been super slack in updating actual happenings. Lots to share – what a week!

Monday was surgery day. Admitted at 7am and seen by anaesthetists and surgeons before going into theatre around 8.30. I thought I was going to be a nervous wreck but I was actually really calm and excited about it. Probably because I was completely unaware of the post-op horror that was to come. I had a spinal block anaesthetic thing, with some spinal morphine, and a sedative – I was very adamant that I would have no idea what was happening to me at any point! I did wake up at one stage, had a wee chat with the anaesthetist while he put me back out, as I listened to distant hammering noises which I was vaguely aware was to do with what they were doing to me. Didn’t bother me at the time though! Woke up at the end before they had taken me out of the theatre and thought I was alright... I wasn’t in much pain at all.

This stage was deceptive.

As the spinal morphine wore off, intense pain, nausea and dizziness spread through my system. I felt HORRIBLE. On Monday night I wanted to die. There was lots of morphine because of the crazy pain and such. To be honest I don’t actually remember much of Monday. I’d rather forget. It’s all some kind of hellish blur. But I spent the night in the Special Care Unit not sleeping.

Tuesday was not much better. People wanted me to move and every time I did I swear a fairy died. An unpleasant trainee nurse bathed me badly and I think I was equally as unpleasant back. I had an x-ray to check that my joint was in the right place – this involved being forced to get myself off the bed and walk with crutches about three steps to the other bed. It hurt so bad I screamed and cried. My saving grace through my time at the SCU was a nurse whose name was Lisa. She reprimanded anyone who was too tough with me and held my hand, came with me to x-ray and generally had my back. That woman was an angel.

Having thrown up during the night and then again following my poor attempt at breakfast, I wasn’t feeling my best for my move to the Surgical Orthopaedic Ward. I don’t even really remember that afternoon. By this time I had given up all embarrassment at people having to lift my ass to slip a bed pan under me, and then taking my pee away. I even got a reputation as having an impressive bladder capacity that I’ll admit to being a little bit proud of. I loved my visit from my Jessie Potato on Tuesday. Had my Mama Bear and Dad in, too. They came in every day, providing me with general awesomeness.

Wednesday I got up for the first time since the x-ray, walked myself to the toilet. I even had a shower, which greatly improved my frame of mind. This coincided with them taking me off morphine. Subsequent pain from inferior drugs did not improve my frame of mind. Emma came to see me with James, who had great fun with my grabber thing. To anybody that visited me: you made hospital far more bearable. Thank you!

Thursday was a bit great in many ways. Despite still struggling with pain and nausea, I had lots of visitors: Aunty Rozi, Tina, Jono, Dad and Irene, Jessie and Jordyn, and my Ma. Also managed to get myself out of bed, to the toilet and back into bed without any help. I never thought at 22 I’d be so proud to pee unaided. 

On Thursday I also got to stop using the bloody foot pumps. I hate those things with every fibre of my being. They are these things they wrap around your feet which puff up every few seconds to stimulate blood flow in your feet to prevent blood clots from not moving. I understand the necessity of something like this, but they are horrible. I had terrible pain right up my legs from cramping or DVT or something, and every time they went off it would shoot this pain up my leg. I blame this for a large part of the reason I barely slept in hospital. Had visits from Occupational Therapists and Physios who got me moving around and trying new things - painful but productive. OH ALSO Jean arrived on Thursday. What Joy! A Bright spark in an otherwise dim world... *cough*. Thursday night was my first night without foot pumps and HOLY JESUS I SLEPT SO MUCH BETTER.

And Friday – home! Dad and Irene were amazingly accommodating and had set up the back seat for me to lie my leg out straight, as well as figuring out the least bumpy route home. They gave me gifts and had baking and cooking for me - I was so spoiled! So good to be home but things are much harder here than they are in hospital. The nurses’ job was to run around after me, but it isn’t my mothers. She is wonderful, despite being sick, and does everything I ask her to but I feel bad and am doing as much for myself as I can (probably for the best anyway, and challenging my problem solving skills at times!). Things aren’t as handy here but I’m managing. My other hip is getting worse as it’s put under so much pressure from taking all my weight as I become increasingly mobile. I can’t wait to have it done and for this to be all over, but I’m not looking forward to a repeat of the difficult week I’ve had. It has been harder than I could have imagined. Worth it in the end, I know, but seriously... This whole thing will make me a stronger person I have no doubts!

Stuff that's tops: sleeping in my own bed, postal gifts from my brother and sister in Aussie, my entire family and friends for being amazing.

Stuff that's dumb: the difficulty of trying not to let your pants fall down to your ankles when you pee so that you can pull them up without breaking the rule of not bending over, not being able to get comfortable in bed.

Home day!

Cos I'm such a flash guy and I'm so good at things like being able to get out of bed and go to the bathroom all by myself, I get to go home today. So excited!
I'll probably miss Jean though. She's SUPER.

She's actually 80.

I've somewhat luxuriously spent the last two nights in hospital with a room to myself. I love it, not least because it means I'm not pissing somebody off with the TV or anything like that.
But today I got a room buddy. Her name's Jean and she's 80. For real. She's on hip replacement number 2.

And she talks CONSTANTLY. She's lovely and all that but man, shut up!!!

Slackery

So I've been in hospital for four days and I still haven't posted. My bad.

To be honest I've spent most of the time feeling like ass and just don't care enough to do it.

Lots of pain. Lots of nausea. Lots of sleeping (but lots of not getting enough sleep at night!)

Will post all about it when I'm feeling a bit more on top of things.

Things that are tops: Visitors, gifts, playlists at 3am, finally being able to go to the toilet by myself.

Things that are a bit ass: Pain, nausea, not being able to eat delicious treats, having to call someone and wait when you drop your conditioner in the shower cos you can't pick it up.

T-10 hours

Hospital admission in 10 hours.

Very very excited.

Also rather anxious.

Stay tuned for morphine induced updates!

Introduction to my shitty disease

When I was in preschool I was diagnosed with Perthes Disease. From what I’ve read around one in 17,000 kids get Perthes, and of those 4 out of 5 are boys. Of all that get it only 7% get it in both hips. I was a girl that got it in both hips – lucky me! It meant that the ball of my hip joint was deteriorating, causing it to flatten instead of being round. When I was young this caused me a lot of pain, and the doctors monitored it but I never received any treatment (although my siblings took great pleasure in complaining about the special treatment I apparently received because of it!). Over time the pain lessened, and when I was about seven they stopped monitoring me, presumably because they thought I’d got better. I thought I was better too, and from that time on I had a pain-free childhood and adolescence doing all the normal kid stuff.

I moved to Auckland and began studying for a Bachelor of Communications with a Radio major at AUT. Then when I was 20 one of my hips started hurting again. I went through all the usual things, thinking I’d pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve, but when it still hurt a month later I went to the doctor, who ordered x-rays. The x-ray showed that my hips were still the wrong shape – the x-ray tech was even kind enough to let me know my hips were the worst she’d ever seen! They thought there might be an infection in my joint so I was sent to the ER and ended up in Auckland hospital for the next five days while they prodded and poked and scanned me. The heartless head of Orthopaedics casually told me that the Perthes caused me to have degenerative arthritis and I would just have to live with the constant chronic pain, and sent me home with a walking stick and codeine – his indefinite plan. At subsequent meetings he told me that I was simply too young to have a hip replacement (something I assured him I had no desire to have, but I had no desire to live in pain either) so he would be doing nothing.

When my pain continued and showed no signs of letting up six months later, I sought a second opinion in Christchurch. With my family here, it’s where I’d want to be for any surgery anyway. Paul Armour, too, was reluctant to replace my hip and sought other options. Consulting with other doctors, he looked into reconstruction and experimental surgeries, but in the end concluded that my hips were just too stuffed for any of it to work. All the while, my other hip was getting sorer, too. And I was getting angry, frustrated, depressed, anxious, and bloody sick of being medicated all the time. But I continued my studies and worked as much as I was able.

Now, 18 months later, I’m finally getting what I need. The hip replacement I was denied what seems like an eternity ago. I’ve put my studies on hold and moved home to Christchurch. On Monday I begin the journey. After I’ve recovered from this op my surgeon has agreed to do something about my other hip, too, so it’s a long road ahead but it will be worth it.

Things that are tops: Catching up with old friends, baking rhubarb cake, iPod on shuffle.

Things that a bit suck: Frosty Christchurch temperatures, 7am admission time.