Whinge-o-rama

I've been home from hospital for two weeks now, and I’m definitely feeling a bit captive.

It’s the stupid little stuff that doesn’t even matter, but not being able to do it makes me want to more.

Yesterday it was a really sunny day. I sat in the sun reading my book (I’ve been doing that a lot this week) and thought that what I’d really like is an ice cream or a nice cold drink. But I was home alone so couldn’t go and get one.

I wanted to go to the film festival, but it was on at a cinema with only stair access (their lift was damaged in the earthquake). So I just couldn’t go.

I haven’t even been able to make myself a cup of coffee and carry it to somewhere I can sit and drink it. Or get the margarine from the fridge to the bench to make a sandwich.

I’m so lucky to have people preparing my meals for me, but in honesty I’d love to be able to do it for myself!

Today I got a bit more freedom in the form of a little trolley on wheels, which I can push in front of me, so now I can at least get my coffee to the living room.

They’re silly little things that I can live without and don’t really matter... but it’s very frustrating.

I’m so reliant on other people to take me places or bring me things or carry stuff... my independence seems long gone. I can’t go and see my friends or go out to parties and events people are having. I’m 22 and I have NO social life.

Before you say it, I know it will be worth it in the end. I understand that, and I’m not saying I’d have it differently... but it’s pretty hard to deal with when you’re stuck in it. I can’t wait for the days I look back on now and think about how much better these weeks of pain and frustration made my life in the long run.

On another note: I’ve just finished the good drugs I got from the hospital. I’m now not usually in any pain when I’m still, but the hip still hurts a fair bit when I move it. Back to the codeine, then. But I was on it for so long before my operation that I have such a high tolerance, so I have to take lots and that concerns me. The pain should be getting much better at this point, so hopefully it won’t be an issue for much longer!

What I’ve been doing with my time: reading in the sun, started watching ‘The Wire’ (TV series), heaps of time wasted on 9gag.com, finally did a CD review I should have written ages ago, visits from friends (and even a couple of coffees out!), sad attempts at preparing my own lunch, and Mum took me to see Fran yesterday.

This post has been neither funny nor entertaining – in fact, little more than one big whinge! But I do feel that my frustration is a product of my situation, so should be documented as part of my experience. I am sorry, though. Hopefully next time I’ll be in a better space and back on form.